Spice Girls on tour!

By both an unfortunate and fortunate twist of fate, I have found myself sat on a sunny balcony in Cyprus for a few days break with the Spice Girls. That is something I would never have thought possible (or afforded) and the timing could not have been better for me. We are actually less Spice Girls and more table condiments (HP, Heinz, Mayo and French’s – that’s me of course), always there right in front of you on the table, but barely noticed, haha. It’s been quite a whirlwind of activity pre arriving. The studio, Think Pink and so many go-go-go weeks. I am enormously grateful for being able to dust my flip flops off and come along. I thought my Pina Colada days were over after Nige’s fall from grace, but it seems not just yet! Thank you 😊

Here is Basil Fawlty. Cypriot GP.

I knew as I was leaving Kent, that I was feeling a bit under par, but had no chance to get to the doctors, so crossed everything and headed for Gatwick. Immediately after arriving, I felt much worse so I had to go to a private medical centre to get sorted. That was the most alarming and funny thing ever. The GP was a raving lunatic who I swear was like a Greek version of Basil Fawlty. His office was a complete mess, with a large bag of potatoes and some used cups on the table, huge religious paintings everywhere, a flatscreen TV blaring out and in the corner, a massive carved desk with dragons on. I wondered if he was some kind of drug lord? He started shouting at the top of his voice, “come, come, come, come, come, come!” I was ushered into a series of dingy rooms and various samples were taken (thankfully other medical staff emerged). Once back in his office we were told to be quiet (“silent, silent, ssshhhh!”), while he watched something on the news with another doctor. Bizarre, but incredibly funny. A younger assistant came in with my results and it was decided I had a UTI and then Basil Fawlty GP, said I should be hospitalised…he can bloody talk! We got my tablets and left as quickly as we could. Phew. On with the holiday…

I do love palms and Sandy beaches xxx

The hotel is stunning, in Paphos (not to be confused with pathos) and it’s absolutely baking hot. It’s an adults only spa hotel right on the beach – no drunken night life, karaoke or fish n’ chips. Nope. It’s a very relaxing, quiet place with several restaurants, a piano bar and a lobby I imagine Barbara Cartland floating through. I am feeling super fat but had no time to diet. Actually, the Condiment Ladies are all a bit podgy. Sorry. I plan to lose 2 stone when home… I can dream!

And relax…

As another one bites the dust (Truss), we have a new PM, Rishi Sunak to steer us through these stormy seas.

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