We’ve now got close to 20 super kind volunteers for our Rockits hub cafe crew! These are all choir friends; so lovely. Funds will be tight and we can’t afford full-time staff in the cafe, so this is the only way we can offer our families a hot drink and snack; believe me, new mums, and particularly parents of SEND kids etc., very much need a break and a friendly face – and often a chat. Sharing IS caring. A few of us will bake too, but most will slice cake, make pots of tea or maybe even read the little ones a book… from our library corner, where we will have stories and glove puppets. Exciting!

On a good night there’s an alchemy at a show. You can feel quite quickly if it’s gonna be a tough night or a fabulously easy one. If we get a less responsive audience, I have to rally the choir, or it can dampen their performance and then it’s a vicious circle. Instead we have to force our good vibes into our guests (even if they don’t want them!). I think this happens at every level. Interestingly, I’ve seen Choir of Man, 7 times and ABBA Voyage, 4 or 5 times and every performance has had an entirely different vibe and reaction from the audience. Rehearsals are the same too.

Not everyone in a choir will make a soloist, but often there will be small group to suit them. We cover so many genres that eventually I’ll find a perfect match! It’s good to give anyone a shot if they want one, but it’s essential that they realise we all have limitations and I cannot do any favours when choosing our performers. I LOVE seeing newbies in our small groups, but for the good of the choir, our reputation and our guests enjoyment we have to put our best foot forward – always. All of our singers are representing the choir and must be a team player. We also all have different vocal tones and some are fine within the choir but not so good in small groups. It’s just life! Plus, it takes a lot of hard work to learn small group songs and hold your own among a sea of different harmonies, when you are also nervous. I wouldn’t put anyone on a stage if I felt they may struggle. That is not fair to them and could ruin their confidence.

Oh dear. I literally spent an entire night in turmoil due to worrying about how I’d get the small groups on and off stage and changed etc., while being at the Ashford International, for our Sunflower event this Sunday. I fell asleep (or was I asleep before, but thought I was awake?) at about 6am and the split second I woke up I remembered that we have TWO different shows and we file on at Hemsted Park (NOT Ashford) during the Think Pink speeches and the small groups get sorted then too, hahaha. No costume changes, no filing on gradually and no need to panic at the Ashford International! Stupid me! Tonight, I’ll go over and over and over the new arrangement I’m working on until about 4am, haha. If only we had an on/off switch!

Exactly when did people get so stupid that they can’t work out how to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight? We now need colours on packets to alert us to calories, fats etc., but look back fifty years. Few people were overweight, yet had no dietary advice… because it’s simple. I’m overweight because I eat too much and I’m not physically active enough (and being busy isn’t the right kind of active). I can weigh myself (so don’t need slimming world) and I can work out that a plate of macaroni cheese is not sensible eating. Portion control, logical eating, simple foods and no Fingers of Fudge at 2am. I think our emotional state is also important – being stressy and not sleeping isn’t great, but still, we are generally not honest with ourselves. I graze… a bad habit.

For the Chinese, it’s the year of the dragon, but for me, it’s chewing gum! Haha.

It’s been another wobbly week. Carl is back in hospital, but this time at Pembury. We are expecting another op, but first he’s having lots of tests done, on a drip and resting in his own room with a tv. They are trying to work out exactly what’s going wrong – he still can’t eat any solids and is very thin and weak and living on a liquid diet. While he is away I am reclaiming my little house and enjoying the silence and lack of washing up in the sink, (every cloud, haha). Carl has been unwell now for almost 7 weeks and had two big ops so far – poor thing!

Rexy has been managing to stay some mornings at pre-school, but there is a very tearful parting with Beth. He genuinely hates the idea of going and tears well up in his eyes at the mere mention of preschool. Last week we offered various bribes fairly successfully – trip to (Old) MacDonalds, a King Kong (with an axe) from Smyths, lunch at Amy’s Pantry (he loves their sausages) and a trip to the park. These things though don’t help the drop-off, but we hope he realises he gets rewarded for staying. I tend to collect him late morning – it’s so lovely to see his face light up when he sees me; I’ll forgive him for bankrupting me.

Dad’s birthday yesterday. Happy Birthday Pa… you’ve still got more energy and teeth than me. We had dinner at Chequers, High Halden. Always a great choice for the Sunday carvery, top marks! Good food and service and complimentary limoncello all round! There’s a few changes coming for Ma and Pa as they slow down just a bit – they’re in the process of moving to a smaller house.

It’s the time of year I miss Nige most. I think I’ll always miss him when Halloween is everywhere, the first signs of Christmas appear in the shops, Strictly’s back on tv and the nights draw in. I hate it when people post about someone who has wronged them, knowing full well they’ll read it – it’s pathetic. If you’ve been treated badly, have some pride. With Nige though I know he doesn’t read this blog as he has severed every link between us. It’s like our 20 year friendship never existed. All well and good except we shared a music library and I ended up losing most of my precious music; his choice to do that, which was odd after him causing so much damage.. I guess he would have to remove every trace of his past life if he is to have a future one, because no one would choose his company if they knew who he truly was. I often wonder what he’s up to and when I pass his house on the way to the park with Rex, I am so tempted to knock on the door. His house is very clean and tidy outside now, so he either has a good odd-jobber or a lodger with OCD. He remains there, hidden inside.

Thinking about the new Rockits hub is keeping me awake – not great as I struggle to sleep anyway. Thoughts of paint, murals, mops and buckets, staff rotas, fake grass, what chocolate cake recipe I’ll use, a changing table for a disabled child (ridiculously expensive, but essential), Christmas trees, coffee machines… it’s endless. One step at a time… we will do it!

On your marks… another week AND a show on Sunday! I’m on call waiting to collect Rex if he doesn’t manage to settle…

Maxon was officially Seven last Friday. How the years fly by. I can remember looking after him when he was tiny – before everything imploded. He has grown very tall and still dances around like a little sprite, which I love.

On Saturday night we had our fabulous Curry and Quiz night at London Beach. The brilliant Savannah Trust generously donated £1,400 to Rockits Sensory, for the new hub. It’s a fantastic idea – the price of the food is donated back! The curry was also fabulous, the staff very sweet and I enjoyed it very much! Beth’s quiz team also won but she was helped by a few eggheads, haha. Rosina organised an auction and we had some very generous donations for it. Huge thanks to all those who joined us and contributed to a great evening.

Went to Dorking on Sunday to see Ollie and his tribe. Finally Noah knows me well and gets excited when I arrive. It’s hard having long distance grandsons as I only see them every 4 or 5 weeks. When they are tiny, they forget who you are in between visits and tend to cry.

Rexy often reminds me that I am getting old! He asked me why my teeth are yellow and my skin wrinkled. Rex, “Dins, you got fluff on you.” He tried to remove it, but we realised it was actually tiny whiskers on my top lip, hahaha. We laughed for so long. This week my back molar actually fell out – it had been loose for ages. Rex has been very concerned, examining the new gap many times. He asked how much I got from the tooth fairy. Losing a tooth is the stuff of nightmares; for me though it’s the effects of the chemo years ago. All types of chemo damage the body differently and mine really ruined my teeth. Over the months of treatment, my mouth and gums got more and more sore, until they were bleeding and cracked and that let infection in and ruined a few back teeth on either side. It didn’t affect the front teeth luckily, it’s the molars that suffered. It’s nasty losing any teeth and also very expensive fixing them!

Rex started pre-school. He has been for his taster sessions with Beth, he knows many of the children and is used to Rockits and rooms full of children. He is though VERY shy around adults and I guess he’s grown up entirely in the care of his parents and Dins (me). Well he HATED it and after 1.5 hours of crying they contacted Beth to collect him. He thought Beth was lost, bless him and bless Beth who has been very upset all week, as we’ve battled on. Now Rex won’t let her out of his sight and the mere mention of pre-school sets him off. I have to say that he’s a chip off the (very) old block, as I literally fought every single day to avoid school. I was about thirteen before I went in willingly, without feeling heartbroken (so I feel Rex’s pain!). Infants and junior schools were a living hell for me (I think being unwell didn’t help) and I’m sure it was very hard on mum who did try and get me in when she could. Sorry, Ma! So, for the rest of last week I took Rex in and the staff allowed me to stay for a while and sit on a teeny tiny chair that I expected to collapse at any moment. I now know how it feels flying with Easy-Jet when you’re twenty-five stone, haha. Week one at preschool – let’s pretend it didn’t happen, haha. I have always told my kids that they either study, or work… Rexy has now been employed as a cleaner at Rockits Sensory, haha. Poor Rex – I always tell him that nannies are here to keep the little ones safe and he trusts me implicitly. I will not leave him crying..

It’s not easy being a parent of a SEND child. A path, the right path, has to be found for every one of these unique children and that unenviable task falls on the parents – how can you know what is the best route to take on a journey you have never been on before? I find another annoying part is dealing with those who have squeezed a diagnosis out for their child from the relevant authorities, when the kids are as neurotypical as most of their peers. Some parents honestly just like having that card in their hand, ready to play when necessary. I know that sounds harsh and hard to believe, but I see it all the time. They say they know what Beth’s going through – but they have absolutely no idea and I know that upsets and frustrates her too. Ru does have funding for a one to one at school, but still he cannot cope well and needs watching all the time. He is the most lovely boy and we want to create the most nurturing and happy environment for him. Every aspect of his life (and his family’s) is impacted by the ASD. We don’t play the system and we don’t apply for anything we don’t need. I think if you have a child like Rufus you would give anything for them not to go through life as they have to. It’s not a label you would choose for them.

Round of applause for Fatface who just issued 10,000 school coats directly to schools. They can be purchased for just £10 instead of £60!!! Wonderful way to give something where it’s needed. Beth snapped one up for Ru xx

A rollercoaster week with some great bits and some awfully low dips. I loved all the weeks rehearsals and then Crown/Dulux donated all of the paint for the new hub! I can tell you, that’s a LOT of paint!! Hip hip hooray.

What a difference a week makes! Bad session at Iden last week but a GREAT one on Friday. Pencils were out, scores marked up, dynamics mastered and the new songs started to fall into place. Fingers crossed that we remember all the touches we added. I just arranged, Requiem, from Evan Hansen, for cabaret. This song has such a lovely feel. I’m trying to finish Hail Holy Queen, but my upper range keeps disappearing and all I have on the vocal takes are funny raspy sounds.

We had a party for Maxons pre-7th birthday on Saturday (his birthday is not until 13th but he’s not with us then). He was extremely happy with his little mound of gifts and to see his cousins. Kids don’t care about the value of gifts, they care about the amount of cousins and family members that gather just for them. Little Max a very good boy – very bonded with Rudi, which is lovely to see. At the moment he says he wants to be a scientist so we bought him his first microscope, fun science books and some memory games. He got lot of Pokémon goodies, including his cake.

Carl is still struggling to get back on his feet as we enter month two. He’s got appointments today and tomorrow; I do hope it gets sorted.

On Sunday we had a Rockits hub 2nd birthday party at St Mildred’s Hall. A traditional party with a fabulous face-painter, balloons everywhere, cakes galore and a Rosina raffle – Ru won a prize and squealed with joy. Beth wrote, “Today we celebrated Rockits 2nd birthday. Two years of friendship and fun.
Two years of firsts and wonderful memories.
Two years of growth and love.
What WE have created is even more amazing than I could ever have wished for.
Firstly, I want to thank my team.
Rebecca, you have been at Rockits since day 1 and our friendship means the world to me. So grateful to be on this journey together, with our children too.
Mikaela, Lauren, Caitlin, Alice, Sofia and Jess. You are all so wonderful and an absolute joy to have in my team. Thank you for your hard work.
Our Rockits Committee and friends Sarah, Caroline, Rosina, Lorna, Nona, Pop and Connor. You are all so kind giving your time voluntarily to help Rockits grow. I couldn’t do it without you.
My husband for always being so positive and listening to my Rockits ideas in the middle of the night 🙈.
My boys for being my inspiration.
My mum for spending hours and hours every day helping. She bakes the cakes, drives for miles collecting new toys, designs our play areas and gives me help and advice with almost everything.
Lastly to all of you. You have supported us for 2 years and raised £30,000 so that we can move to our final home. Our community really is the best and I can’t wait for more years of knowing you all.
Next party…THE OPENING PARTY!”

Wonderful evening at Rockits choir yesterday, but no Beth to co-pilot with me. Glenn has harvest – six weeks every year when they work ridiculous hours and harvest the hops. He gets stuck there all night sometimes… plus Rex had a very day at preschool and refused to let go of Beth all evening xxx