I’m just so sorry. Janine, Peter… my dad… all the Day clan. I document everything here and I hate posting this, something so huge and so sad, but then I feel kind of disrespectful if I don’t. I’m quite an outsider too; we grew up away from most of Dads family, but what I can tell you is that they are incredibly close, loyal and caring. I might not see them for a few years and yet they are always so warm and welcoming… true family. A rare thing today to find siblings, offspring, cousins, friends, all still as close as can be. The loss on Sunday of Janine & Pete’s dad, Jimmy/Jimbob (my Dad’s brother), has obviously broken lots of hearts, none more so than his much loved daughter…

“This is the hardest post I’ve ever had to write. It’s with a heavy and broken heart, to tell you that Dad sadly passed away very suddenly but peacefully on Sunday evening. He was ready to go, but our hearts were not ready to say goodbye just yet.

Our only comfort at these hard and difficult times is that he’s back in the arms of his one true love, Mum, and back with his little sister sharing a cup of tea and eating biscuits – having a catch up. Me and my brother appreciate every message and call we have received and are forever grateful to our wonderful partners, Ailsa and Lee, and our lovely family for their support and strength. Mamps would be so proud of Georgie who has been there to hold me tight at every fall.

Na night and sweet dreams, Daddy… love you more than tea. No more suffering. Me and Pete will look after each other I promise. Always and forever your Big Slugger. Xxxxxx”

I heard this quote the other day.. “May the sorrow that you feel in your heart be lightened by the love that surrounds you.” Uncle Jimmy. R.I.P. Xxxxxxx

Saturday. It started off well. Carl (aka Butler) knocked on my door about 8.30 with a cup of tea. It’s in my favourite Charlie and Lola mug. I love a slow start – if I need my alarm on, I’m never happy about it. TV on, cats in the bed, rats in the garden, slowly replying to messages…. Rewind! Rewind! “There’s a rat in me garden what am I gonna do?” At first I thought it was a plump squirrel enjoying the bird buffet that Carl supplies 24/7… then I noticed its whip-thin tail. Aaaahh! There the little bugger was, daintily standing on the bird feeder, munching away at the fine range on offer. I have warned Carl this would happen and kept telling him to keep his fat balls and nuts covered, haha. No seriously, I have!!! He didn’t listen! So now we have to clear, spray and clean the shed etc. Once Roland Rat was discussed at length, I went on to the hub as we had a couple of parties. It was super busy. Bruna, Rosina, Liz and Sarah C were all helping, bless ‘em. We sell a whole box of cupcakes every day now – lots else too of course, but I gauge it by the cupcake sales. Caroline is repainting SEN room.

Got home, had an hours snore (I’m such a snorer), a bite to eat and then off to see a show with Beth. Evan Hansen at the Marlowe in Canterbury. It’s rare that I hear someone that (for me at least) has a perfect voice, but also a beautiful one…. My goodness this Evan can sing! Impressive range, pitch that was absolutely perfect and I’m no expert, but he was a real joy to listen to and pulled the entire audience in. The show was nearly over when someone in the audience was taken ill. A first few desperate shouts for a doctor… Evan stopped singing and calmly left the stage. Lots of people sprang up and ran to help and then (the REALLY awful bit) some people were leaving their seats so they could spectate!!! Disgraceful! We sat for quite a long time and then Evan returned for his final song. I award my (worthless) five gold stars to Ryan Kopel for a brilliant performance. It’s not my fave show – it’s a little too whiny in parts – some great music (most of which I’ve arranged for the Hearties over the last few years), but Kopel made it something special.

Sunday. A record-breaking day at the Rockits cafe! Poor Alison and Vicky were run off their feet… but my goodness they are built of strong stuff! When I arrived I took kitchen duty and did the paninis and kids lunchboxes. I’m getting very used to slicing up birthday cakes in the kitchen!

Mounjaro. I’ve ordered mine and am going to try it. Is it safe? Who knows, but I tick all the boxes to take it as I’m pre-diabetic and have high blood pressure and am several stone overweight. My joints are very stiff and painful (not helped by post cancer tablets I take) and if I can help my hips and knees… I’m for it! There’s no chance I can take part in Strictly (if I get the call) if my knees won’t bend! I really don’t care what I look like but I feel uncomfortably fat and need to do something. Beth has done incredibly well on it and just like me, she’s happy to discuss it. I’m proud that she’s also an open and honest book.

Happy Birthday to Caroline. We went to Cineworld in Ashford to see Robbie’s new film, Better Man. I loved it! It may seem odd that Williams is played by a CGI chimp, but I think that’s the sole reason the film works so well. At times it’s a bit too full of self-pity for my liking, but that aside… it’s bloody good! It’s brought to us by The Greatest Showman’s director… and it certainly does have some very slick scenes in it too. It’s a much better film though. I loved the new orchestrated arrangements of Robbie’s songs and the amazing dance sequences but mostly, I found it a really touching and heartfelt film. If you’re not in the mood to watch a singing monkey, try instead, Small Things Like These… just because it’s a Cillian Murphy film. Breakfast too with Rex and Beth at Amy’s Pantry.

The hub has been doing well and Beth is steering us through any difficulties. The cafe continues to grow. Our area has been made bigger as we now have Lino right up to the reception desk. No more scrubbing buttercream out of the carpet tiles. We get through so many fairy cakes – I have always made fairy cakes. I like them simple. Glacé icing and a cherry on top or some sprinkles. I would always make them when my kids were small – 2oz of everything to one egg. From that little bit of cake mix came such lovely memories. Rockits really is an extension of Beth and I. It’s her business and she is the driving force behind it, but I like to think it’s a special place because my family put so much heart and soul into it and all those who work and volunteer there do the same.

Beth and I often say how Nanny Ada would have loved the choirs, the hub, the boys…

I’m so terribly impatient and I know I can come across as a bit sharp. The older I get, the quicker I seem to do just about everything. This applies to driving, showering, cooking, walking, eating…I don’t read books because my mind wanders constantly and after a few pages I’ve no idea what book I’m even reading and I’m thinking about crazy, random stuff. I also get semantic satiation. It’s not as exciting as it sounds. It’s when you keep going over a simple word and it suddenly loses its meaning and just becomes a sound. Odd. TV suits me because it gets to the point quickly and if not, I can skip forwards. I watched War and Peace in one night (very good – it’s on iPlayer) whereas the book would have been an impossible task for me. A thing I’m trying to be better at is having a conversation. Some people say 1000 words to me when 20 would do and I can’t help switching off once I know what I need to. Short of asking people to get to the point and not waste my time, there’s little I can do. Beth says my blank expression always gives the game away, haha. I’d never want to take up gardening. I won’t even wait in a shop if there are more than two people in the queue, so I’m hardly going to wait for some tomatoes to grow. I do wish I could enjoy a slower pace… maybe I should take up yoga.

Isn’t this just the most sweetest thing? Rufus wrote Beth a little letter and put it under her pillow, bless him. He’d written it so carefully too. He has such a kind heart. “To Mum. I love you. Have a grat (cute) sleep. Love from Ru xxxx”

Rex is a whopping, great big FOUR and I couldn’t love any cell of him any more. I’d give him the earth if I could, but instead I keep my freezer stocked with his favourite “nuggets and chippies” and I’ll cook them for him even if it’s breakfast time, haha. We’ll laugh and sing our, “chippie on a pea,” song. I’ll happily let him get kinetic sand all over the place and lose the teeny tiny bits out of my Sylvanian Families cafe (it’s mine…haha). I’ll sit and watch King Kong videos endlessly with him and record him singing QOTSA songs in my studio. I hope we don’t grow apart as he grows up; he’s at preschool lots now and I’m working more at the hub. I’m thankful to have shared these early years with him and hope time has magically tied an invisible bond around us. I so love picking him up from preschool. I watch as he approaches the gates, searching for me the whole time. He’s suddenly shot up like a bean (a Rexy Bean) and I imagine him turning into an overly tall and awkward teen. Haha. I often think of my five little guys and the men they will become. I hope to witness whatever it is and hold their hands forever.

It was finally Rex’s turn to have his party at the hub. He had such a wonderful time. Beth had hired in a Spiderman bouncy castle too (which Marion loved haha). Ollie and family came down – all family and friends together, just as a party should be.

I’m gearing up for choir work again. On 10th we’ve got a Rockits social and then on 24th is the first of the fun workshops – kind of a social sing. It’ll be at the hub, so we have called it the Rockits Hub Choir (Hub as in Pub). I’m so looking forwards to seeing everyone. I’ve no idea how things will go, but I hope to do a Hub Choir evening every month or so. Casual, light and enjoyable. I’ve been so busy that I lay awake worrying that I’m busy, haha. I forget things then – make mistakes on the scores, put twice as many eggs in a cake, burn the dinner. I think there’s just too much in my withering brain – I don’t think I’m losing my marbles. Actually, it seems my ability to zone in on sounds – maybe a voice within the choir, or someone talking on the other side of room, is an indication that I may not get dementia. Not sure I believe that – I’m struggling to hang on to my teeth, hair and eyesight… getting old is no fun, but getting old, post cancer treatments is even worse (Liz and I have been bombarded with colds) because it trashes your body.

I really have not been looking forward to this blog but because I document all major things in my life, it just has to be here. I’ve put this one off for a long time…

After months of turmoil, I decided that for now at least, I have to take a break from Rockits (community choir). I have a horrible knot in my stomach still and it was a very hard decision to make. So, we worked flat out to get the new Rockits Sensory hub open and since then, I’ve continued to support it every day. It’s a huge undertaking for my family, but it’s doing well and Beth is doing brilliantly keeping on top of it all. It’s her baby, but it’s still a baby and as a grandma, I’ll be helping it take its first steps. It’s incredibly expensive to run a business of this size and because we offer so much for so little, keeping our head above water will never be easy. However, this place is so needed for families – especially ones with SEND children; so many new little Rockits every day. The centre is a wonderful mix of sensory, soft play, role play and crafts – with a special SEND room which is always available. We offer free help and support and a peaceful cup of tea (and a toasted sandwich!) while the little ones play safely. New mums can meet and share a slice of cake. The free support groups are held in the little cafe during the week and this is getting busier every day – our amazing volunteer crew are keeping us going. I’m baking, stocking and working lots, while also managing to do some musical work too. So basically, I was torn. I care so much for all of our choir members, but I am also really needed at the hub too. I felt I couldn’t give my best to everything and I was simply exhausted. Burnt out. My life is very different now to when I started the choirs over 15 years ago. I’ve got a gaggle of grandsons to help with (and find time to visit before they are off to uni) and I’m much older – in fact I’ve never been the same since having cancer, eight years ago. I’m keeping the Hearties going, but have reduced their rehearsals too and will do less events, quality not quantity (the same cannot be said for my flapjacks). Most of the Rockits have been very supportive (thank you) but there are a few disgruntled ones. I do get that it’s very disappointing – believe me, I’m totally gutted when I think about it. I’m a person who hates letting anyone down. A typical me thing: Tonight I made shepherds pie. I peeled a bag of potatoes and tossed one tiny one that I couldn’t be bothered with in the food bin. That soon bothered me… haha. That tiny potato was picked for nothing and discarded. I went and fished it out of the bin, washed and peeled it (Carl will be none the wiser) and added it to the pot! He did not die in vain (the potato, not Carl), haha. Seriously though, the thing is, I’m only human and I’ve given so many years to running the choirs, raising money and (hopefully) brightening some of your days along the way. I’m so grateful for those years… some were a real rollercoaster for me, but the one thing that remained stable and constant, was the choir. It’s never been a business – it’s been something I’ve truly loved. Over time the choirs have constantly shifted as singers leave and newbies join, depending on their family’s needs, employment, health… so many things. It’s exactly the same for me. I reached a point where I needed to slam on the brakes… for now at least.

Just like, The Two Ronnies used to do… I will finish with some lighter news. I have been hunting for large dolls with lovely long hair, to transform into mermaids for something I’ve been dreaming up with Liz Mercer. I searched for them in Temu… I now know where men go to buy their inflatable love interests, haha. Most of them were cheaper than a basic lilo, so I guess we may be seeing a few on our beaches too. Liz – how’s the octopus going?