Hold tight…we’re off!

Got back home about 2am on Monday, after a fair bit of waiting at various places. Very grateful for my little trip. It’s lucky our phones magically remember to turn back the clock – which got me thinking where I would turn the clock back to if I could. 1996 would suit me beautifully. I’d do a few things differently and with advance warning, I reckon I wouldn’t have got cancer either. If people put as much effort into raising money for cancer research as they do worrying about the bloody menopause, I’m sure they’d have found a cure! If I hear “brain fog” again, I may explode. I’ve been putting odd things in the fridge (car keys, *cat), for my entire life and going out wearing mismatched shoes. *It was actually a young Ollie who put our kitten in the fridge.

Beth took a trip to Ollie’s for a Halloween treat for the boys xxxxx

It’s been a great (if busy) week so far. I have some very exciting news, but am not ready to tell everyone. I’m struggling to hold it in, haha. Great rehearsals so far this week – Rockits rocked and Hearties hearted. Cabaret is CLOSE! Aaaahhhhh. I have a dodgy voice (likely due to flying) and I have lost my upper range, which is very bad timing as I have masses of songs to record. I’ve squeaked through what I can and (drum roll), I have a first draft of the cabaret running order. The second half is usually pretty much the same – White Christmas, Cracker Pulling Song, Merry Xmas Everybody, etc. Well, it is Christmas! Cabaret is very sold out for the Saturday performance, but we’ve got some tickets left for the Friday.

Cousins united xx

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas at my house too! Decor is heaped on the table, ready to decorate the SEN room. First I have to remove all the masses of Halloween stuff in there. Then I’ll get my sewing machine out and make miles of bunting. I don’t really need it, but I love putting my foot on that pedal and zooming along.

Rexy is far too thin, haha xxxxx

Halloweenies & supermodels.

And other news back in the U.K… Rockits Sensory is having a wonderful Halloween! So many kids are enjoying half-term treats. Yesterday there was a visit from the man with his dreadful collection of creepy crawlies, but the kids really love it! How great (count me OUT!) that for a few pounds they can go and hold snakes and spiders. I had planned to help with cookies, but have left everything ready to roll, literally (hahaha).

Stavros and my drink (third from the top). I got it back too!

Here in Paphos I’m thinking about our Christmas cabaret. Yesterday, I watched Stavros balancing the hotel guests drinks on his head, while he did the Zorba the Greek dance (either that or people are going OTT with the ‘fully inclusive’ bit). Cabaret really is our only chance of doing a funny number… we could do this maybe? I’ll ask Kate to start, haha. We also found a Christmas shop and have bought loads of things for the SEN room, Christmas transformation. I can declare I have a suitcase full of snowballs and candy canes when I go through customs. Tonight’s cabaret is a terrible singer who represented Cyprus in the 1990 Eurovision Song Contest (nil pointes). Haris Aristazio. He has a few ancient groupies who swoon over him even though he’s had long Covid and looks horribly waxy and close to death. I know this because one of his fans was sat next to me! It’s all very entertaining if you like people-watching.

Sue transformed into Kate Moss for a selfie. Xx

One issue with coming late to the party is that the daily holiday activities are already planned. This is great if it’s a massage, but not so great if it’s a drive up a massive mountain on quads and buggies, haha. No idea how we’re still alive! It was actually very good and we visited Coral Bay, Turtle Bay and the (ice cold) Adonis Waterfalls. The outing was rounded off with a meal in a lovely taverna.

Me (BURNT!), Bernie (a bit burnt), Sue (drunk, not burnt) and Caroline (medium-well done).

Spice Girls on tour!

By both an unfortunate and fortunate twist of fate, I have found myself sat on a sunny balcony in Cyprus for a few days break with the Spice Girls. That is something I would never have thought possible (or afforded) and the timing could not have been better for me. We are actually less Spice Girls and more table condiments (HP, Heinz, Mayo and French’s – that’s me of course), always there right in front of you on the table, but barely noticed, haha. It’s been quite a whirlwind of activity pre arriving. The studio, Think Pink and so many go-go-go weeks. I am enormously grateful for being able to dust my flip flops off and come along. I thought my Pina Colada days were over after Nige’s fall from grace, but it seems not just yet! Thank you 😊

Here is Basil Fawlty. Cypriot GP.

I knew as I was leaving Kent, that I was feeling a bit under par, but had no chance to get to the doctors, so crossed everything and headed for Gatwick. Immediately after arriving, I felt much worse so I had to go to a private medical centre to get sorted. That was the most alarming and funny thing ever. The GP was a raving lunatic who I swear was like a Greek version of Basil Fawlty. His office was a complete mess, with a large bag of potatoes and some used cups on the table, huge religious paintings everywhere, a flatscreen TV blaring out and in the corner, a massive carved desk with dragons on. I wondered if he was some kind of drug lord? He started shouting at the top of his voice, “come, come, come, come, come, come!” I was ushered into a series of dingy rooms and various samples were taken (thankfully other medical staff emerged). Once back in his office we were told to be quiet (“silent, silent, ssshhhh!”), while he watched something on the news with another doctor. Bizarre, but incredibly funny. A younger assistant came in with my results and it was decided I had a UTI and then Basil Fawlty GP, said I should be hospitalised…he can bloody talk! We got my tablets and left as quickly as we could. Phew. On with the holiday…

I do love palms and Sandy beaches xxx

The hotel is stunning, in Paphos (not to be confused with pathos) and it’s absolutely baking hot. It’s an adults only spa hotel right on the beach – no drunken night life, karaoke or fish n’ chips. Nope. It’s a very relaxing, quiet place with several restaurants, a piano bar and a lobby I imagine Barbara Cartland floating through. I am feeling super fat but had no time to diet. Actually, the Condiment Ladies are all a bit podgy. Sorry. I plan to lose 2 stone when home… I can dream!

And relax…

As another one bites the dust (Truss), we have a new PM, Rishi Sunak to steer us through these stormy seas.

Pink is my favourite colour!

This years Think Pink at Little Silver, was our best yet. I was SO pleased, so proud. There are many reasons for this, but mainly it’s the way that everyone in the room joined together for “one night only.” Felt very special. The Hearties were absolutely brilliant. I’m a rubbish conductor, but they totally understand all my little waves and expressions and they swell and crescendo and then fall to a gentle landing and can stop in an instant when I pinch my fingers together (don’t know exactly what I do – but they do!). Oh it’s wonderful. I remember learning to conduct when I was at school, but it was nothing like this. Miss Rotherham (head of music at Gillingham Tech) would have a fit if she saw me doing poses only usually seen at Mr Olympia completions. I no longer care when I briefly notice guests staring – I can hear what works for the choir and that’s all I care about! Also the choir were in a mixed formation, with an equal mix of voices on each side of the room. This meant the choir could hear what they usually can’t and they seemed to love it. Food for thought!!!

Now that REALLY is what I call Think Pink!

Set list – Fix you. When we were young. Remedy. Running up the hill. Hero. Say a little prayer. Dreamgirls medley. Listen. Run to you. Lay all your love 💕 on me. ABBA medley. Like a prayer. I still have faith in you. The amazing speakers were – Penny, Kate, Sarah L and wow, our Liz gave a very real account of her run in with breast cancer. Rosina’s Raffle raised £1420 (astonishing) and with ticket sales included we are at around £3k. Expenses were very low for this event and the ‘professionals’ that helped were very generous too. Thank you. Thanks to Caroline, Roy, Dad, Kelly (who sang on Friday), Thomas, Ben (sound), Rachel (photography), Sarah W, Mel, Rosina, Karen and Bruna. Thanks to those who helped clear up quickly too.

What a fantastic thing to share. 💕

Busy, busy, busy few days. Rexy has been unwell again as his chest was bad. He also had an ear infection. Poor little chap. I can’t believe I spent all Sunday working on cabaret – but it’s not far away now…

Karen, Kim, Tali & Sarah. You can’t take them anywhere, haha.

Scissorhands and skeletons.

We are all set for our first Think Pink show tonight! Exciting. The stage is in, the room arranged and now, the sound system gets sorted. I need to find something to wear (hate that bit). Local radio station caught me unawares yesterday for a quick interview. It was initially supposed to be later this evening, live on air, but then that got changed and blimey when you are suddenly confronted with…”right, talk for two minutes about Think Pink. Go!” Not easy for me.

“You can’t stop the girl.” Xxxx

Lovely piece about Beth and the hub in the local press. How absolutely brilliant. If we were sticks of rock, COMMUNITY would run right through us. Maybe, FAMILY. Maybe, CHEESE. Also, Little Max won a colouring competition and Rexy did his first wee on the toilet, haha. Spent some time in Dorking with the new baby (on his 9 week birthday). He’s smiling and chatting, in his own little way. I took the boys skeleton suits for Halloween and enough sweets to keep Finn hyper for several weeks, haha. I collected Finn from his lovely little school too. Ollie bought me a spiffing pair of fabric scissors; I can pretend I’m on the Sewing Bee now as I snip everything in sight. When all the little ones are together it’s like a ramshackle zoo, with each child getting attention in their own way. Finn pushes your head firmly where he wants it focused, Rufus throws rubber fruit around the room and asks to borrow your phone, Rex carefully arranges himself on the floor as though he has fallen from a tower block and then fake cries until he is rescued.

“The Winner takes it all.” Well done to our Little Max xxxx

Liz Truss has resigned as PM already! Boris, who left office just 6 weeks ago is expected to stand in the contest to replace her! Crazy times ahead. I like Boris even though he’s a blithering idiot, haha. What scares me is the next general election and the likelihood of Keir Starmer becoming PM. I would rather listen to the Kardashians droning away for an entire day than have Starmer leading our country. More shocking is the lack of toffee apples in the shops. I know I shouldn’t eat them, so to save my dodgy teeth I smash them up with a rolling pin and eat them in little tooth-kind (haha) pieces. Also, variety isn’t always the spice of life. A toffee apple is a perfect thing, so why are the supermarkets selling chocolate dipped apples with a variety of toppings? A Christmas pudding is not clementine and orange!

“He ain’t heavy – he’s my brother.” He may be slightly heavy… xxxxxx